Satire:Two Palestinians shot while innocently picking their noses in a car.

IONP – International Organizations & Nonproliferation Condemns the Murder of Two Palestinians in Israel.

Just received this press release from the IONP and thought it important enough to share.

Date: March 9, 2016

Subject: Joint Press Release from IONP Headquarters in London, Washington, Stockholm, NY and Ramallah

For Immediate Release

Title: Two Palestinians Shot While Innocently Picking Their Noses in a Car

Early this morning in Jerusalem, Israeli police shot two Palestinians dead. The men were sitting in their car, which was reported to have acted on its own to nearly run over a pedestrian. Israeli guards shot at the car, accidentally missing the car and killing the passengers inside. The two men were long-time members of the IONP (International Organization of Nose Pickers).

In a press conference called shortly after the incident in Jerusalem, Norm Shnoze, Chairperson of IONP stated,

“Look, I’m Jewish and I know the Israelis are having a hard time but they didn’t even give these guys a chance to explain. I’m sure they really meant only to stop and offer the pedestrian a tissue. We have to all just get along.”

The IONP immediately condemned the shooting of two of their members and suggested Israelis are being paranoid,

“Just because someone was killed yesterday and over a dozen people were injured in at least five attacks doesn’t mean Israelis should shoot nose pickers. Yes, I’m aware that there have been 300 attacks or more in the last few weeks, but how many of them were committed by nose pickers?”

Mahmoud Bicker, Chair of the Ramallah IONP branch denied that the ISIS flag found in the car meant that the men were terrorists. Over a video connection, Bicker said

“Doesn’t everyone have an ISIS flag in their car? I do.”

Asked whether the men in the car had opened fire on a bus earlier in the morning and had also shot and seriously wounded an Israeli man near HaTzanchanim Street, Bicker responded,

“Details, details. We are talking about nose picking not the news.”

US Vice President Joe Biden, visiting Israel, condemned the deaths saying that random folks picking their noses should not be targeted and not everyone who picks their nose is a terrorist. He called on Israel to show restraint.

“We don’t shoot nose pickers in America,”

he stressed,

“even work place picking is something that a democracy has to accept from time to time.”

Israel’s national police spokesperson, Micki Rabinstein released the following statement,

“Israel is a democracy, open to all, including nose pickers. The police did not target these men because they were picking their noses but because they were Palestinian terrorists targeting Israeli civilians.”

“Details, details,”

replied the IONP after learning of Micki’s statement,

“we are going to the UN. We’ve already amassed enough votes to issue a condemnation.”

“They were f******g terrorists,

shouted Rabinstein as he was led away by the IDF spokesperson’s office who was heard whispering to Micki,

“give up…they’re so f*****g stupid they’ll never get it.

And there you have, another day in paradise

Written by Paula Stern and published at her Blog “A Soldier’s Mother”

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  1. I have no difficulty with the proposition that nose picking in public is a capital offense to be dealt with summarily.

    Nothing innocent about it at all. They got off lighty.

  2. It is the barbaric Nasal Blockade of Gaza by the child-eating, whiny-voiced, adenoidal, organ-stealing, water-diverting, pinkwashing, time traveling, shape shifting, one-shoe-thieving, adjective piling, Zionazi Khazar OCCUPIERS from Israehell; that is the true cause of all of our suffering.
    If only they would build for us the seaport and the airport (and the shrubbery) we were promised (and we haven’t forgotten about the pony; either!) our noses would not be blocked; and we wouldn’t be reduced to the humiliation of picking them in the first place! The despair, hopelessnes, maddening inconvenience and frustration is more than any Arab can be expected to put up with. We have our dignity; after all.